This is done through “edging,” which you’ll do during sex later but also need to incorporate into your masturbation.
Here’s how it works:
- Start
masturbating, and get yourself up to a 7 out of 10 on the arousal
scale. (You’ll just have to subjectively decide what this is for you,
it’ll be easier to identify with practice).
- Stop, and let yourself simmer down to a 5.
- Now work up to an 8, and then stop again and let yourself slide down to a 6
- Up to 9, down to 7
- Up to 9.5, down to 7 again. A 9.5 is just before the point of no return when you know there’s nothing you can do.
- Repeat
the 9.5 to 7 cycle over and over again until you get past 10 minutes.
Then you can let yourself go, and you’ll notice this also makes your
orgasms MUCH stronger.
As you’re getting more aroused, remember the STAB technique {(It stands for Squeeze, Think, Avoid, and Breathe.
You’ll get the best results by combining the tactics, but you should
also experiment to see which one works best for you.) (yeah that’s
right, I invented a new sex acronym)} to slow yourself down:
- Squeeze:
Squeeze your PC muscles HARD like you’re doing an intense kegel. Hold
them for at least 10 seconds, but the longer you can hold the more
you’ll come down. (You might also have success doing a couple shorter
5-second holds, or a bunch of quick 1-second holds)
- Think: Think about something else
- Avoid: Change your stroke (avoid the head) instead of stopping entirely
- Breathe: Take deep, diaphragmatic (with your stomach) breaths
Ideally, you should combine all of them, but start with one and then add others in until it becomes second nature.
Set aside 30 minutes a night for this kind of practice. The more the better.
If
you have a partner you’d rather do this with, tell her what you’re
working on, and ask her to help you either with manual / mouth
stimulation or by having slow sex with a lot of stopping and starting.
It will be very tempting to just let yourself go when you’re hitting those 9.5 peaks, but trust me, exercising like this will be worth it.
Plus it’s a lot of fun.
Step 3: Techniques for Lasting Longer During Sex
If you’ve been doing your training, then you’re already going to last much longer in bed.
But
we can layer more on top of it. These next four strategies will
significantly improve your staying power, just by taking the same
principles we’ve been using for masturbation to the bedroom
Strategic Foreplay Ordering
Foreplay frequently goes in this order, because women typically expect men to initiate the next stage of sex:
Kissing / touching -> Cunnilingus -> Fellatio -> Sex
There’s an obvious problem though: you’re going straight from intense oral stimulation to sex.
That’s no bueno. You want to be going into sex at a 4 or 5, not at an 8.
Here’s
what you do. You’re already talking to your partner about lasting
longer (unless you skipped down here, shame on you), so tell her that
it’d be better if you got her off once manually (to get her warmed up
more), then she went down on you, then you went down on her after.
Kissing / touching -> Get her off once manually -> Fellatio -> Cunnilingus -> Sex
When
you’re receiving oral, after you get to 9.5 a couple times (same edging
technique as before, just this time you yell “stop” at the peaks),
switch it up so you can cool down while you go down on her and get her
off a few times.
Also, tell her to push against
your PC muscle (using two or three fingers or a fist works well) while
she’s going down on you. It makes you last longer and feels great, but
it’s hard to do during actual sex.
Then, when
you’ve peaked enough times, getting a cooldown period with minimal
stimulation while going down on her will increase how long you last
significantly.
Alternatively, depending on how
long your refractory periods are, you could get off when she’s going
down on you then recover for round two (which lasts longer) while going
down on her. Up to you.
Using Positions for Edging
Getting
your partner to edge you during foreplay is easy, but during sex it’s a
little different. You don’t want to keep stopping and starting
thrusting since that’s going to be frustrating for her, and it’ll make
you feel self-conscious and start worrying about cumming too soon.
Instead, you can edge yourself just by switching up positions.
Some positions will move you up arousal stages faster. Others, less so. It’s a combination of:
- Friction (more = faster)
- Direction of motion (thrusting = faster, back and forth = slower)
- Control (you moving = faster, her moving = slower)
- Your position (standing = slowest, supporting with your arms (e.g. missionary) = fastest)
A
position with her legs more closed (more friction) plus you doing the
thrusting while lying down (e.g. missionary) will be high stimulation
and get you off faster.
But a position with her
legs spread and you standing or kneeling will be much lower
stimulation. Same story if she’s on top of you moving back and forth
instead of up and down.
(If you’re not sure what I mean by “back and forth” (vs “thrusting”) well…
this is the only way to explain it (NSFW).)
You need to find your “low stim” and “high stim” positions.
Get in the high stim positions when you’re at a 5 or 6, then switch to
low stim positions when you’re at an 8 or 9 to bring it back down.
Most importantly, while you’re switching, take a few seconds to squeeze your PC muscles!
Breathing Slowly from Your Diaphragm
The way you breathe affects how quickly you cum.
You’ve
heard about how you can trick yourself into being happier by making
yourself smile, right? Well, you can also make yourself more or less
aroused by changing your breathing.
If you want
to bring yourself down, slow your breathing and make sure they’re deep
belly breaths with your diaphragm. Taking quick breaths in your
shoulders and chest is what you do when you’re about to cum, so if
you’re doing that, your body thinks you’re close.
